Eepee Corporation

Eepee Corporation recently released the new Smiley Card, a plastic, electronic card chip devise programed to monitor hunger and desire. Each time a person feels hungry or turned on, the card vibrates in one's wallet or purse. The Smiley Card sends out Morono Vibration into the bearer of the card. The Smiley Card also provides a screen-display of suggestions and a GPS to the most effortless and cost effective way to satiate hunger and desire.

Premium subscribers to the Morono Vibration Plan can log in to the Eepee Corporation Fun Room, where one will experience the highest level of bliss-inducing pleasure saturation. For the weight conscious, the Smiley Card releases stomach-soothing waves, to create a sense of bloatedness, so one feels stuffed, content and self-satisfied.

(Ok, enough of this infantile story, beware of getting sidetracked or conned. Con artists come out of the woodwork when they notice an insecure, porous or transparent person. They come out all beer and pizza, oozing with sauce. They tempt you with appetizers. Before you know it, you're seated at a full-course dinner of roast beef and baked potatoes. The cons wait until you're relaxed and laughing over desert to present you the bill. They know you can't pay. They're waiting for you to say you can't pay. Then, the con springs his plan on you. Too late, you're in the trap. It's hard to escape as they explain the plan, complicated to the point of being hard to understand.)

After one month on the market, thousands of Smiley Cards were recalled, due to a bug. Infected cards gave off unpleasant, erratic stimulation, causing uncontrollable spasms of loud, smelly flatulence, or bad-tasting sulfuric eructation or burping. In a few cases, Smiley Card vibrations created an a-hedonic effect, or marked loss of libido.

Emergency meetings were held at Eepee Corporation. The Smiley Card situation had to be described in positive terms, in order to not frighten investors. To save the company, top administrators gave themselves a pay increase, since the survival of the company depended on the well being of those at the top. Money is the motivator. There's always the trickle down effect, where people on top piss on people underneath in order to instill in them a sense of fear and security, fear that if they don't cooperate, things could get much worse. Security could only result if they worked harder, took unpaid furlough and agreed to no pay increases in the foreseeable future. At the last moment, the government gave Eepee Corporation a multi-million dollar bail out. So once again, Smiley Cards were smiling.