he tried to eat himself

Tony ate himself to prove he could outdo Jesus. He would go one better. Jesus asked his followers to eat his flesh and drink his blood. Instead of asking others to eat his body, Tony tried to eat himself.

For nearly six months Lohbado rented a room in a rooming house. Tony lived down the hall. The place was oppressive, low ceilings, narrow hallways, closet sized apartments, poor air circulation, the smell of rot. The slum lord made a lot of money off that building. Tony went manic one night and tried to eat himself. He shouted and knocked over things. The granny across the hall eventually called the police. They strapped him to a stretcher and injected sedative and took him to the psychiatric ward. 

Lohbado moved out the next day. He couldn’t stand it anymore. 

Lohbado first crossed paths with Tony the day Tony locked himself out of his apartment after going  to the corner store for beer. Lohbado happened to be walking down the hall as Tony tugged and jiggled the door knob. The door was so flimsy, one firm shove would be enough to pop it open. Lohbado opened Tony’s door with a butter knife. Tony insisted Lohbado come in to share a beer. 

After that, Tony began stalking Lohbado. He would listen to hear Lohbado’s footsteps in the hall. His pale green door would burst open. A strong smell wafted out into the strong smell of the hall. He invited Lohbado in. Lohbado said no. Tony asked why. Whenever Lohbado said no, Tony would insist. Lohbado did his best to avoid Tony.

Lohbado began entering the building through the back entrance, so Tony wouldn't know. Then the phone would ring, forcing Lohbado to unplug it. Tony once phoned twelve times in an hour. Lohbado saw it on the call display.  Fortunately, Tony had some sort of fear about leaving his place. He didn’t feel safe without the protection of his environment. Outside his apartment, he looked insecure, like a dog that just had its fur shaved off. He never once entered Lohbado’s apartment. He expected people to come to him. That was the source of his hatred for humanity: nobody ever came to visit. He blamed society for not providing him with a steady stream of admirers and disciples, willing to sit there and listen as he described the plight of himself and what was wrong with the world and how he knew what was best for everyone. If only people would listen. 

Tony only went to a few places, the corner store and a super market. He would buy a frozen dinner, and eat it, after letting it thaw on the counter. He would put the leftovers in the fridge, a spoon in the food, so whenever he felt hungry, he could open the fridge, reach in and take a bite of cold left overs.

On the rare occasion when a brave soul ventured into Tony’s tiny one room apartment, Tony would open the gate of his confused mind, releasing a flood of psychotic gibberish. Tony was happy as long as Lohbado grunted and nodded, uh huh, oh, mmm, ah, huh.

Tony would sit on the edge of the bed. Lohbado sat in a broken office swivel chair. One of the wheels were missing. Tony placed a brick under one leg of the chair so one could sit down without tipping over. Lohbado listened while Tony rambled from one topic to another, until it became oppressive. Lohbado couldn't stand it anymore, the incessant chatter. Why he was there? Tony’s brain was biologically structured to generate confusion and rage. Most people avoided him. He had no friends.

Lohbado tried listening to the silence which enveloped each word clump spurting out of Tony’s mouth. Then he tuned in to the speech melody, the sound of words, independent of meaning. No point trying to keep up with the free association, stream of consciousness, leaps of logic or loose connections in Tony’s monologue. Tony didn’t care if Lohbado understood, because Tony himself didn’t really understand what he was saying.

Eventually, Lohbado’s patience wore thin. He looked at the clock on the wall and planned how to leave as soon as possible without provoking a crisis or confrontation. Sensitive tissue coated Tony’s ego. His vanity could be easily wounded. Tony proclaimed himself to be the only wise one left. He hated the rest of humanity for being attached to their chains, as he put it.

One day Tony went too far. He bit into his hand, tore off some flesh with his teeth and ate it. That’s when the elderly woman, living on cat food and water, called the police. Ok, this is about long enough. I won’t go into gory details about Tony’s psychotic episode. It wasn’t funny. He actually bit into his hand and tore off a bit of flesh with his teeth and ate it.