Fred and Nelly

Bob gave Fred a sky burial. It’s what he asked for. Birds eat the body and take off into the sky. A bear, some wolves, a coyote, fox and various small animals also ate part of Fred. Bob knew that’s what Fred wanted.

Fred drowned after his canoe tipped over in ice cold water. Bob fished him out of the lake, then followed Fred’s instructions. He laid him out on a rock, cut off his limbs and head and left everything there for the wild life. Ravens got first dibs. Bob blinked as a couple ravens swooped down and went at Fred’s eyes, fried eggs, sunny side up.

Bob said he didn’t believe in karma, but he couldn’t help wondering if Fred’s canoe accident was related to how he upset the natural order outside the hotel in Swank in early September. The village of Swank was a fifteen minute drive from Fred’s trailer. Swank had a population of one hundred. There was nothing swanky about Swank. The name must have been some mad trapper’s idea of a joke. A lot of the lesser known lakes and rivers had funky names. Have a look at the map and see for yourself. Swank is located where Snake River empties into Blood Lake.

A woman ran the hotel, bar, restaurant, general store complex, situated at the end of a dirt road, which branched off from a paved natural resource highway. She never allowed burlesque dancers. But once a month, she directed a poodle circus. She owned five poodles, horny little critters, not fixed. That kept the small crowd of riffraff, that drifted in there on weekends, entertained. 

Pat was fifty-five when Fred messed with Nelly, a brown bear, outside the Caribou Tavern. She was a pretty relaxed woman, dark eyes, white hair, double chin. She radiated a quiet confidence and authority. She kept her hair short and wore jeans and a green and brown checkered shirt. She had a deep voice. She was in a relationship with Sarah, until Sarah got busted and left. That was ten years ago, according to gossip. 

Pat went bananas when Sarah pulled out, temporarily insane. She even claimed to hear voices. Pat took off for three months. A buddy stepped in and ran the place while Pat drifted up and down northern highways. She got it out of her system. A whole folklore developed around Pat. Apparently, at one point, she fantasized about going mainstream. She had a mock wedding with a trucker named Lou and got pregnant in the sleeper of his shiny red rig. She had an abortion. She wasn’t ashamed of it.

“It would have been child abuse for somebody like me to make a baby,” she said, “I don’t think any living thing should have to endure what I went through, especially when I was growing up with an alcoholic father and a mother who had, what they now call, a borderline personality disorder. I wouldn’t wish myself on anyone.”

Lohbado and Bob went there for supper. Bob suggested they should order the special, beef liver, gravy mashed potatoes and canned peas, apple pie for desert. That way, you could be sure it was cooked today. They put Stompin Tom Connors on the jukebox, five songs for a dollar.

Bob, who lived a year in the trailer with Fred, until he died, described the toy poodle circus. The male dogs wore pink satin outfits. The female dogs wore blue, to mix up expectations, to complicate the scenario, which wasn’t that complicated. After a little barking, licking and sniffing, prancing around on a table and pushing a stroller and going on a skateboard, the poodles went at it like there was no tomorrow. They hopped all over each other, no shame. Maybe having an audience turned them on.

The show certainly got Fred all excited, especially when Daniel came in and said the bear was outside. The regulars of the Caribou Tavern knew Nelly the bear. It grew up on the outskirts of Swank and pretty much every day made the rounds. She lived off food scraps. People used to toss leftovers out the window. Nelly was a favourite at the tavern, hotel, restaurant and general store building in Swank.

The odd tourist, who flew up from the south to kill a caribou in the taiga, would pose beside Nelly. Sometimes the bear even let you touch her. Pat used to warn people. Nelly might look like a pet, but she’s a wild animal. Sure enough, one spring a guy got seriously hurt, after approaching the bear in a disrespectful manner. Nelly opened up the man’s belly, enough to give him a hernia. It wasn’t life threatening. It was a good warning to not be frivolous.

Fred got frolicsome and frivolous that evening after the toy poodle circus. He went out for a piss on the rocks. There was the bear. Fred handed the bear smoked sausage from his trouser pocket and then threw his arms around the bear’s neck. Nelly didn’t like being interrupted while eating Fred sausage. Fred clung to the bear, while she reared on hind legs, lifting him off the ground. Fortunately, he didn’t get hurt. A hunter from down south caught the thing on his cell phone video camera and posted it on the Internet. In the video, Fred’s frolic with the bear came across as dreadfully wrong, an overturning of natural order, relating to wild animals as if they were plush toys.

A week later, Fred’s canoe turned over. Fred drowned in ice cold water. Bob did sky burial.

Bob told Pat Fred vanished. Bob did a good job concealing the remains, mostly bits of bone that didn’t burn in the fire, after the birds and animals ate the flesh. A month later, a bush cop did a superficial inquiry, then closed the case. One of those mysteries of the northern forest, the northern forests were full of secret tales.

Some people told the cop about what Fred did to Nelly and showed him the video. The cop was disgusted and said Fred got what he deserved.

“It’s hard enough for animals to survive with global warming, mineral exploration, forestry and pollution destroying the natural habitat. Fred should have known better to not have done that,” said the investigator.

Bob took possession of Fred’s trailer and property and invited Lohbado to stay as long as he liked.