You Temple

stranger to himself

One day Lohbado felt like a stranger to himself. Lohbado didn't recognize Lohbado. He couldn't even feel his own confusion. His chest hurt, but he couldn't feel it. He tried lying to himself. He had pain but at the same time didn't have pain. He felt sick, but was in good health. Maybe this is partly due to social isolation. Spending a lot of time alone, a person could go crazy. Fortunately, Lohbado had the company of Lohbado

that's it for this week

The Chief Nomroh and staff at the Moronovian Tabernacle wish you a pleasant weekend. What exactly is a week anyway, other than a unit of time? What is time? Time is not a thing; it's a dynamic, motion, sequence, common sense and not so common sense. Time could be a projection based on observation from the senses or some sort intellectual construction. Time is not a solid fixed thing. How can something in the process of change be once and for all defined, since even during the time spent trying to describe time, time flies? The world changed from the time Lohbado began trying to write about time to the time Lohbado got up and walked away.

Lohbado was having the time of his life until the wine bottle became empty. Imagine a self-filling bottle of wine. Ok, gotta have a glass of water and a baked potato to ponder the many theories of time. If you don't return your library books on time, you mostly likely would get an overdue fine. So yeah, time is common sense, but what is the nature of time?

anxiety

scream

active passive

chaos structure

Anxiety intensifies from time to time. Many things could trigger it, physical aches and pains, an argument, someone makes an insulting remark, one has an accident and gets hurt or damages something. As summer begins and one opens the windows, noise could generate anxiety, lawn mowers, leaf and grass blowers, power tools, banging, hammering, car alarms, parties, sirens, people talking loud...

PBE (Push Button Expert)

Lohbado worked many years as a PBE (Push Button Expert) for the DR (Department of Regulation). He worked at a push button console. Each push of the button pressed data into the program in such a manner that the software generated a form or picture summary. A set of filters applied the mandate of the Minister of Regulation to customize the image as required. The mind works in a similar manner. It sorts perception and experience into personal categories of like, dislike or indifference. The head of the mind department is one's ego, personality or sense of self. One grasps on to what one likes, becomes hostile towards what one does not like and ignores the rest.

temple

What was Socrates doing in the temple? Why did he go there? What is the meaning of S and O, the first two letters of his name? From the little he read of Plato, Lohbado got the impression that Socrates had enough leisure to stop in wonderment and contemplate the nature of existence. His search for knowledge and wisdom gained momentum after consulting the Oracle at Delphi. "Know thyself" was carved in stone at the temple of Apollo at Delphi. The oracle told Socrates he was a wise man. Socrates found it wise to not pretend to know what he didn't know. He often would say that he didn't know. This leaves philosophical questions open for exploration and discovery, unlike know-it-alls who feel they don't need to listen, read or learn, because they already know it all.

The temple of Club Morono is a place of peace and quiet, plus song and dance. At the temple, one could supplicate wisdom and sanity, confess, rejoice and tune into the sacredness of being. Clear away the veils of conflict and aggression, ignorance and insatiable hunger, grasping and fixation. Why not be a dignified, compassionate, kind and loving human being, instead of going out to clobber people who get in the way, or focusing purely on obtaining money and material things?

ghosts

ghosts

A perfect bedtime story, Plato's Théetète. Lohbado found the complete works of Plato in French at the local library. In one passage Socrates mentions that one could be awake or dreaming. Do you trust the senses? Dream appearances could appear vivid. Or if one drinks too much or gazes into the distance, one might see things that aren't really there. To one person the wind might feel cold, to another warm. How much do you trust the senses? For sure, if you perceive something, it's true that you're having a perception. However the appearance could turn out to be insubstantial, like a mirage.

weekend pattern

a Lohbado relaxation pattern

Lohbado woke up early Saturday morning and rode his bike up the hill to a cafe that doesn't play background music. It's never busy in there first thing Saturday morning. He arrived half an hour before the cafe opened. He sat on a bench set back from the street and watched people waiting at the bus stop.

cornucopia

How you look at things makes a huge difference. Lohbado learned, after years of training at the Club Morono Tabernacle, how to find richness in the world of appearances. Wherever you go, there are interesting things to see and photograph. Even an empty room could be an interesting photo subject... if you give yourself permission to enjoy and explore. The problem is when one's mind is mediated by internalized messages which say: "Nah, this is boring. This is dumb... blah..." Don't listen to that kind of lower-consciousness chatter. Instead of tuning out, why not tune in and see the world as a sensual cornucopia?

up against a dream wall

Lohbado in a dream woke up in a dusty, cluttered room. Voices asked him: "Who are you? Where are you? What are you doing?" Lohbado was unable to answer. He left the room, strolled into a public garden and sat by a granite pool surrounded by oak trees and relaxed.

"While inside, a lot of nonsense clogged up my mind. Under a clear sky, it's easier to let go. Tension melts from the body. Worry dissolves. There's no need to be anyone doing anything, other than to do whatever has to be done," said voices in the garden.

drive carefully

Kangirsuk, Nunavik, 2008

A brand new pickup truck, a sense of excitement happened as one drove it for the first time. Eventually it wore out. In the vehicle graveyard somebody smashed the windshield and headlights. The wall of a shack, wood texture, each mark is a mini story. Lots of scratches and gouges in the wood. The paint fades and peels off in places. One eventually gets old, runs out of steam. Lohbado as he got older would take a nap after lunch. He couldn't do as much as he used to. No choice but to slow down. In slow motion, one notices more. Memories come and go. Lohbado looked at old photos.

Ryans is gone

August 3, 2014

May 7, 2015

May 18, 2015

Actually, I don't know what Ryans used to be, other than it was an empty red brick building with a chimney at the corner of St. Remi and Saint Jaques. This is a route for anyone riding a bike from Cote des Neiges down to the Lachine Canal and back. Last night the sidewalk of Saint Jaques was blocked. There didn't appear to be any other way to get up the hill, so Lohbado went through the barricade. The freeway is a huge barrier separating the Lachine Canal from the rest of the city. There are only a few ways to access the canal, without a motor vehicle.

learning to live alone

Lohbado bardo

A long weekend alone offers plenty of time to reflect. It's healthy to take a break from activity and to look at one's mind, to look in the mirror and try to see what's going on. To be alone involves giving up habits and opinions; just being alone with whatever is happening. Lohbado noticed a lot of confusion, how his mind invented hopes and fears. When alone, one imagines threats all over the place, even when there are no threats. One invents enemies and harmful forces when nothing of that sort is happening. It's amazing how much intensity the mind can create to torment itself.

Maybe Sartre should modify his statement about hell being other people. Hell is oneself tormenting oneself. Hell is mental projection, the stuff one invents without questioning, for example, one's opinions, expectations, resentments, frustration...

bardo in spring

Bardo means, among other things, in-between state. The Tibetan Book of the Dead describes various bardo states which the psyche goes through during the process of dying. Bardo could also refer to any type of experience involving uncertainty. Lohbado sometimes experienced bardo as a sense of transparency. This occurred a few weeks ago when for some inexplicable reason he became violently ill, with vomiting and diarrhea at the same time. The visceral part lasted about an hour. Once his body rid itself of bodily substances, he felt hollow, or empty. It made him reflect on the nature of time as a flow from one instant to the next and on the digestive model of existence.

The present almost instantly slides into the past as new moments occur. There is a constant letting go or leaving behind of one moment while welcoming or entering into the next moment. In terms of digestion, one eats several times a day. Eating is a process of contact and transformation. Food from outside contacts the body, enters the digestive tract and is transformed into nutrients and waste. In terms of everyday life, one constantly acquires things and throws things out after they get old or break beyond repair. Bardo could be viewed as something positive, as it allows infinite space for imagination, creativity and exploration. In this sense, there's no need to impose limits, since reality is a wide open continuum.

Dr. Jane Wormsly in Europe

have a nice weekend... Here's a link to Swell Maps to enjoy while relaxing, some vintage punk...

helicopter ride

To break up the routine, Dr. Jane Wormsly went for a helicopter ride. After, she brewed tea in the iron kettle.

what are they saying...

Montreal 2015

"Occupe toute est un safe space..." says one of the signs. Lohbado stopped by an occupy village to take photos. He was asked to respect student privacy, so no students are in the pictures. While reading some of the many signs, Lohbado thought of John Lennon's bed-in at the Queen Elizabeth hotel on Renee Levesque in 1969, the "All we are saying..." anthem. It would be a helpful exercise to listen to the students and find out what they're saying, maybe try to understand what's going on.

As an aesthetic experience, it was quite interesting, a little utopia. Lohbado admired the courage and spirit of the young people.

inner and outer contemplation

After a day of particularly difficult terrain, Lohbado arrived at an empty plywood shack. It was closed, but not locked. The ethic of the trail... use the cabin but leave it the way you found it. Don’t leave trash behind. Lohbado gave thanks in his mind and heaved a sigh of relief as he opened the door and saw a neat oil drum stove, a plywood bed with a mattress and blankets on top. There were also pots and pans, matches and some kindling.

self

from Lohbado's sketchbook

Metaphysics

Lohbado pondered the nature of existence as he crossed the Plains of Radiation. Each moment occurred and vanished. Each perception was coated in personal preferences, like, dislike or indifference. How much did he actually notice while navigating through a typical day?  Most of what happened went on without him even noticing. Often he wasn't even aware what was in front of his eyes. He was often oblivious to the sounds. Sometimes he walked in a daze, spaced out, lost in thought or sunk into drowsiness. Meanwhile, each moment vanished and new moments occurred. He was getting older. One eventually becomes a corpse.

administered normality

Using a recent digital application, authorities are able to determine and measure one’s daily diet and excretion. The quality and quantity of bodily substances will be cataloged and used as an apodictic or matter of fact portrait of your attitude and way of life. This approach is based on the saying: what you eat is what you are.

romance and desire

Spring once again, a feeling of summer sometimes, take off those winter clothes. Let's see how beautiful you look without the disguise. Leaves pop. Birds sing. Spring fever, desire, romance, fantasy, what are you looking for? On one level, it's quite simple. On another level, trying to be in a relationship, it's complicated, almost impossible. Maybe go back to zero and develop a wholesome relationship with oneself, without self-hatred and arrogance. That's what grandmother used to tell Lohbado.

to describe

from Lohbado's sketchbook

There's a thing and a description of a thing. In a quest for certainty, it's easy to hang one's hat on a conceptual peg attached to an infinitely divisible wall within infinite space. Sometimes in reaction to what's going on, one might withdraw into oneself and attempt to ignore, deny, minimize or rationalize what may or may not be happening. Sometimes one creates a fiction without even noticing. One could become lost in confusion. Then it's time to sit down and take a close look at the mind. Have a look and see what seems to be going on. Then, with a fresh mind, try to describe the scene and make a picture or story.

Of course, it's never quite that simple. But it's fun to keep trying. This is a fragment from Lohbado's memoirs, from the episode when he worked for The Department of Regulation as a PBE (push button expert).

fetish situation

Lohbado undergoes a little ritual to exorcise demons tormenting him during the month of April. Fortunately, with the return of sunny warm weather in May, the mental darkness dissolved. Just when it seemed winter would never end, spring arrived and leaves started to appear. 

to market

seafood at Jean Talon Market

The ups and downs of weather... after a long winter, one could relax in the park or take a tour of the market. Suddenly, for a few hours, it feels like summer. Spring fever, spring cleaning, air out the place. Throw out things that collect dust. If you haven’t touched something in a year, then get rid of it. There’s not enough room to accommodate the junk that piles up.

Me2 Orchestra performs in Montreal

conductor Ronald Braunstein

Me2 Orchestra

question period

Saturday night at a Concordia University theatre Lohbado was invited to a performance of the Me2 Orchestra from Burlington, Vermont, conducted by Ronald Braunstein and featuring Paul Merkelo principal trumpet of the Montreal Symphony Orchestra. Me2 as a name evolved from the idea that while talking about anxiety, depression and related mental illness issues, frequently a person listening would say “me too”.