Gentleman seeks Lady

Lohbado gentleman seeks Lobada lady for quiet and discreet conversation about footwear and the dangers of noise. Must be non-smoker, non-lottery ticket buyer, non-TV watcher and non-radio listener (except Harvey Christ Radio Hour or Mannlicher Carcanno). Clacky heels need not apply. Orthopedic shoes preferred. Leather orthopedic shoes, especially cream-colored and white socks to match, could lead to marriage. Wigs are OK, but must be without perfumes or fruit and floral odors.


Like just about every man woman and child on planet earth, Lohbado has been known to go through ups and downs and so has learned the importance of not judging others. Let he or she who is without clogged nostrils have the first sneeze. Lohbado and Lohbada met in the shadow of a tree, where they brought behind-the-door-demons out into the open and then fell in love.

They were generous enough to tolerate each other. They patiently held their tongues when the devil made them forked, when beads of venom leaked from the roof of the mouth and rolled in poisonous beads over taste buds. It takes skill to not wag the tongue and spit venom, to not say what is best left unsaid. Let he or she who is without stone cast the first throw.

Better to shout into an empty yogurt container, snap the lid tight and put it in the recyclables bin than to nag someone like water dripping endlessly. Let bygones be bygones. Shake hands. Be bosom buddies, on good terms, or at the very least, polite and able to refrain from snapping out with harsh remarks or cynical, stinging words that go right to the heart like rusty nails into custard pudding.

Time to make up. Sweep it under the carpet, lock skeletons back in the closet and clean out the attic. Everyone has his or her long sad story of heartache, sorrow and pain. No need to be jealous. There's nothing worth envy. Even a person on top of the world would suffer to see his brothers and sisters of the dreaming universe going through trials and tribulations as they struggle through the valley of the shadow of death, or get lost in the forest of confusion, fall into the swamp of despair, or stumble with uncertainty to the top of rock hills. People are drowning in financial difficulties, relationship issues, ill health, accident or misfortune. To witness the state of the world would be enough to make even the most happy-go-lucky on top of the world individual shed a tear.

As Tiny Tim said: God bless us everyone. And may you find the mate you're looking for and live happily through years of couples counseling, mediation and legal advice.