The Product Rules

Funny smell, is it my breath? Do I have toast and coffee, kitty litter breath in the morning? It takes a couple cups of hot coffee to burn away the slime and muck that coats mouth and throat after a night in bed. The bed serves as a doorway to dreamland. Sometimes disconnected mind appears to communicate with dead friends and family.


After a while, death... OK, I can see it's a grave matter, best left unspoken. I don't want to come across as a moralistic, deadbeat killjoy. I'll stick to dreams and not enter the world of the dead until the final invitation makes it impossible to refuse.

It's impolite to talk about hair loss, wrinkles, tooth decay and body odor, unless in the context of promoting the product. A sure way to be loved and happy would be to buy the product. Keep purchasing updates to render the product more effective in taking advantage of latest developments of the product company. In fact, in case it wasn't already clear: THE PRODUCT RULES.

You are a product of the product. To be a success, you gotta sell yourself, summarize your features, functions and effectiveness in one page. Tell us why you would be the best candidate. Mention, in passing, a harmless token weakness to show you're only human and that you're willing to grow and learn under the direction of The Product. Describe, in one sentence, some of your organizational accomplishments and contributions. Tell us what you would contribute to a dynamic team of youthful ground-breaking innovators. Are you willing to work long hours without claiming overtime? Would you work at home and indefinitely post pone vacation in order to meet ever-pressing, important deadlines?

Anyway, the smell that hit me as I got up to get a free coffee refill was possibly bad breath expelled from my lungs and blown back in my face like a small puff of vehicle exhaust. It could have been a smell from the grill; maybe a meat patty overcooked, or a grease filter hadn't been changed in a while. Maybe somebody threw a diaper or soiled napkin in the garbage. In any case, response was quick and effective. Once I sat down with a fresh cup of coffee, the smell was gone. Either my nose got used to the smell, or the source of the odor removed.

The air vents in that place were able to suck away human aroma. You could park an overflowing garbage truck under one of those vents and not smell it from the next table, thanks to the miracle of modern ventilation. I finished the coffee, put the paper cup in the garbage and returned home.