High Speed Romance

    The turbulence of love—  first encounter, plane takes off, get high. Plateau. Wake up to the realization that it could be a long ride. Get bored and restless before the descent. Breakup. Get off the plane. Anger, heartache, disappointment, frustration, man and woman go separate ways.

Lohbado and the bear

            Lohbado was sent to the office of Headmaster Bates after stealing a slice of Lori’s cherry-cream pie. Lohbado was fourteen-years old at the time. Master Bates trembled with rage as Lori led the boy by the ear into the office. He pulled out a twelve-inch wooden ruler and spanked the boy’s hand until it turned red.

rosy glow spaghetti

For inspiration, Lohbado gazed for a long time into a bowl of spaghetti, until a rosy glow spread throughout the bottle-green room. One eye on noodles, the other on strawberry, Lohbado felt oneness of the two. A dynamic tension pulled them together, while maintaining a safe distance.

salt, pepper and false teeth

    Lohbado followed salt, pepper and false teeth into the soft tungsten light of the kitchen.

Lohbado's bite was worse than his bark. Add a little salt and pepper to make it taste better.

Elder Valley

   
    A cloud of toxic dust knocked him down. Lohbado collapsed on the Plains of Radiation, after stumbling through hot wind and burning red sand for nearly two weeks. He’d given up hope of ever finding the Valley of the Old, where one could live free from shock and surprise. Lohbado hoped to be accepted into the valley, where he would obtain the food he liked. Valley food left nothing to imagination, no unexpected surprises, no hot sauce or funky herbs and spices. Served at room temperature and with the consistency of tapioca pudding and the taste of saliva, it could be swallowed without chewing. It was easy to digest.

pickle rot combo

Club Morono is proud to add the Pickle Rot Combo to the Club Morono Deli Menu. That dill is in a real pickle. Click here to read the other side of the story.

Worm Research

    Lohbado in the waiting room of Dr. Mamon, scratched the top of his head. A handful of worms came from the top of his head. He was about to wipe them off on his trousers.
    “Stop!” shouted Dr. Jane Wormsly, who happened to be sitting next to him, “Let me have a look.”

The Hee-Haw Conflict

Tony and Lohbado were arrested and sent to work as slaves at the great dictator’s palace on the Plains of Radiation. Their job was to polish doorknobs in the mahogany hall. The Dictator had a fetish for knobs of wood, glass, crystal, porcelain, silver and gold. His palace contained a corridor of doorknobs.

Who stole the cookies?

     Aaaah! Bad bad bad very bad. Card house collapse, dangerous door electric funk gone humpty dumpty into jelloid k liquid mumble Nomroh ooo P.P. Q.Q. ritual spot touch under viscous water X-rated zoology. What’s going on? Who stole the cookies?

door spirit

Through the open door, Lohbado caught a glimpse of a spirit, imprinted on the rock. The door spirit told Lohbado to eat in order to know. Eat hot dogs. Eat to feel solid, to weigh down the body that felt like a spirit.

Great Nomroh Door to Pastry Paradise

A door, reflected in Lohbado’s living room mirror, provided hope of escaping the infestation of Tunnel Bugs. A mutate strain of bugs, half tick, half roach, burrowed under the skin. The bugs secrete slippery mucus to facilitate the passage of followers.

The Garden of Oogah and Oorsis

 

Dig with fingers into the earth, hands get dirty. Some flowers have thorns. After a while the pictures form a sequence. It started last week with dumping out some old wine. It made a mess of the bathroom sink. A bar of soap marinated for a few days in a pool of wine and made a good hand wash. Maybe wine soaked soap would make a good gift to give during the winter holiday season.

cleanliness next to godliness

Soft soap works into a good lather and if used properly, won't dry out the skin like abrasive, hard soap. Sometimes soft soap soaks slimy slop and gets slippery dirty. To clean soft soap scum, hold the bar under clear running water a few minutes and it will come out clean enough to place on the altar next to a candle and a comb.

pear peace cake

So much material goes down the drain during one lifetime. Each person makes a contribution. Sometimes, the sink might get plugged, or back up. It would be terrible if everything one put down the drain suddenly flew back in one's face. To honor the power of plumbing and the mysteries of digestion, Lohbado prepared a pear peace cake and presented it to the sink. In presenting the cake, Lohbado prayed for peace and love.

the miracle of wine to blood

Blood is a very potent religious symbol, a meme bleeding with significance. So is wine. This all started yesterday, when it came time to wash my hands. Someone asked, are you washed? As a boy, I sang a hymn at church called, "Are you washed in the blood of the lamb." Then there's the turning of wine into blood, during the mass.

Cosmic Gorilla

Poof! A light bulb exploded in a ceiling socket.

A squirrel tore open a bag of garbage on the front lawn. No sooner did Lohbado go into his apartment, after cleaning up the mess of soft carrot and banana peels on the front lawn, when a man came to cut the grass. Lohbado dreaded having to say good morning. To avoid human contact, he ran into his basement dwelling and locked the door.

Lightning Strikes Lohbado

Lohbado sauntered down the street to have coffee at the nearby strip mall. The sky clouded over, a dark dome dividing the sky into light and dark, a saw tooth edge of cloud, moving fast.

Nomrohic Personality

Nomroh takes hold when you least expect. Nomroh animates discussion. Nomroh is a powerful force. The Nomrohic person is one who acts within the moisturological perspective, walking the fine line between falling into a hamper of wet blankets or floating into a thick cloud. He or she acts on no uncertain principles.

Lohbado's Progress

Lohbado wandered down the freeway service road. A strong, hot wind picked up dust from the sidewalk and flung it in his face, stinging the skin and getting in the eyes and nose. Paper and plastic tumbled along the curb and out into traffic. During the desolate hour, there weren’t too many vehicles racing around.

Club Morono Lemon-Carrot Cake

The essential ingredients of this Morono Cake are moldy lemon, wilted carrot and sour milk. Add peanuts. Don't bother cooking. I wouldn't recommend eating it. Such a cake is more for show. Sometimes you can't have your cake and eat it too.

Lost Wanderers

Lohbado wandered in a daze, after a bomb knocked him off his feet, a near miss, during his escape from the renegade compound outside Yamaville. Yamaville remained intact after the nuclear explosions. Life was somewhat stable. The city looked the same. But the inhabitants had been altered. Intense fears and phobias hit people who had previously been calm and secure.

helping hand

Platitudes come in handy when one seeks a helping hand after the factory shut down and hired hands were handed job termination slips. Let's have a little hand for the self that likes respect and whatever other selves might be floating around in handy-land. Peter Stumps auditioned to be a singer in a local bar, but his hands trembled too much. Someone handed me a copy of WC Handy's St. Louis Blues, going to fortune-telling gypsy, not liking to see down-going evening sun. The song provided a little much needed inspiration.

garbage day

I woke up to the sound of a garbage truck. I admire sanitary engineers. They're in good shape, working hard in heat and cold, in terrible smell, slop and filth. I shook off the chains of sleep, got out of the pulpit of dream and stopped preaching to myself long enough to get dressed and hurry out for fresh air. I saw chicken bones on the grass. Small animals and crows sometimes tear open garbage bags. The flies were having a real feast.

To experience the full power of garbage day, take a walk down the strip of small grocery stores and restaurants. The smell is overpowering. Sometimes bags explode, releasing rotten material on to the street. A bag of fish slop exploded, giving off an amazing smell. Liquid pours from the back of the truck and on to the pavement as the compressor compacts the garbage. This liquid is particularly potent in smell. I laughed as a woman came out of a shop and put a handkerchief over her mouth and nose to block out the smell. I felt the vividness of existence in that moment.

I drink, therefore I am.

Listen to what happened to Lohbado after taking a ride in the cosmic Cadillac across the mighty bridge, over the river of forgetfulness separating the land of the living from the land of the dead.

cat soap

With the spread of microbes and harmful bacteria, it's a good idea to wash the hands whenever it seems like a good idea. I saw the bar of "Le Chat" in a store window. Lohbado washed his hands and then made an attempt to tidy up the messy apartment. Each time he attempted to organize a pile of things, another wave of things would wash the pile back into chaos. Lohbado gave up. He sat down on the floor, with a bar of cat soap. He contemplated the wrapper and imagined a vast, ocean panorama.

Canada Day Sausage Celebration

 Actually, July 1 in Montreal is moving day, when many leases expire and new leases are taken on. People move from one dwelling to another. It turned out to be a bright, sunny day, perfect for firing up the barbecue and laying down those sausages on the grill. Ideally, the sausage should be fried slowly, until drips of oil burst or ooze through the skin, in other words, until the sausage sweats. Be careful, when biting into it, that pork juice doesn't squirt you in the eye.

ghost motel

First, note the similarity in color between the glass of apple juice and peach compote. Note visceral connection of food body sensation. Some foods are heavy and moist, others light and flaky, acidic, sweet, sour and so on. Peach compote, fresh from the fridge, cool, slithery, it could be swallowed with minimal chewing and sits comfortably in the stomach. The apple juice, also cool, but sweet and slightly acidic, doesn’t taste good with peach compote, but makes a good photo, golden juice and peach colored peach.

Lohbado sat in the motel restaurant and ate peach compote and drank black coffee. Jane Wormsly had blueberry pie and apple juice. They gazed warmly into each other’s eyes, after driving a stretch of road, under construction, leading into the city. Jane nearly peed her pants as they got caught in heavy flow, bumper to bumper, freeway turned into parking lot. She talked seriously about having to pee into a towel if they didn’t soon get to the exit ramp. Lohbado offered her the use of his tee shirt. It took an hour to clear one interchange.

de-coding department

For a while, Lohbado worked in the Decoding Department for the Ministry of Regulation. His precarious career rested on one achievement: he unscrambled a Thermopolite message to the Mayor of Antz. It turned out to be an official invitation to share a liter of  apple juice.

This was the peak of Lohbado's career. Everything else he did ended up a disorganized muddle of fragments. His computer microphone picked up sputters and groans. Lohbado insisted the sounds were space-alien communiques directed to a certain Harry Brown, advising him to protect Porcupine Sanitary Tissue company from smear tactics. Politicians from the other party got at Harry Brown via the back door, implying a conflict of interest. They accused him of handing out contracts to the PST, to make them the official suppliers of hygienic tissues in government buildings.

The rest is history, the incident of peach compote, roast turkey and apple juice. Harry Brown was forced to resign from his post as Minister of Tools and Devices.

running Nomroh spirit

A speck of dust blew into Lohbado's right eye as he reached the summit of Rock Hill. It stung the eye. As he rubbed the right eye, he saw a flash of light. A running Nomroh spirit appeared. It was the spirit that got squeezed out of prisoners during Department of Regulation training sessions. As the process of standardization squeezed the mind into tighter confines, psychic energies erupted into images. Lohbado sank to his knees and thanked Oogah for the vision. He piled up a stack of rocks to commemorate the spot where the speck of dust entered his eye, unleashing the retinal flash of a running spirit.

Morono Man in Chick n Dick

    Chick, fried egg eyes, omelet textured skin, turkey neck, hooked beak of a nose, lived on potatoes, carrots, eggs and coffee. He moved into a hen house after mother’s farmhouse burned down. Mother died in the fire.

how much does hell hurt?

Did you ever wonder, how much does hell hurt? Imagine you're sentenced to burn for the rest of eternity. There must be a limit to the pain. If the pain became too intense, the damned soul would go unconscious, or into shock and no longer feel the pain. Or, if the pain becomes 24/7, then the damned soul might get used to it. In order to fully feel the pain, the soul would have to experience intervals of no pain, to set the torment into relief. What does God think of all this? After all, hell was God's invention.  To learn more about this, tune in to the Harvey Christ radio hour Tuesday, June 14, 11 PM Montreal time.

Bathroom messages

Normality subject to variation, read messages in signs and storefront lettering, messages within this one and only world, it depends what you mean by world. There were suggestions of alternate universes, but this is not fantasy. I’m talking about setting or milieu, for example, the world of Lohbado, the world of ice cream, the world of alphabet and so on. However, there’s really only one world and little settings or worlds within the one world. The Chief Nomroh asked me to make this clear, to avoid misunderstanding.

Club Morono Experimento

Here's how it went from a to b, a being blah, b being OK. I drew in pen a dog, doodle alphabet and words. Next, open a book. A phrase leaped off the page. Refill the cup of coffee. Presto. Blah is gone. I feel OK, until blah comes back. I'll deal with it then. Now is OK. This is a Club Morono way to get going in the morning.

War of the Flies

Flies, screen door, a little tear in grandmother’s screen door enabled flies to enter her house in the bush. The bush contained rock, swamp, deadfall, underbrush, spruce, fir, pine, birch, as one would expect to find in a boreal forest before the emerald ash borer bored in to lay eggs and choke trees to death.

Goo Goo Underground

Lohbado heard boisterous laughter from the Bull's Blood Tavern. He went in and a waitress told him the bar was reserved for a meeting of the Goo Goo Underground, but if he wished to become a member, he would receive a free pint of Worker Bee Lager. Lohbado enjoyed talking to the waitress so much, he said he would gladly be a member if she would help him fill out the form. She said she had no time, but he could sit down and she'd bring him a pint. He could take his time. It was an easy form.

The Story of Oh

Everyday the background music, plus a typical reaction and set of thoughts, a mind rambling distractedly, blown about like a feather, as people hurried to the subway, lined up at bus stops or piled into cars, Lohbado went for coffee. After a refill, he'd write the same old nonsense, predictable spasms triggered by toothache, indigestion, background music or something in the news.