Tuesday, June 25, 2013

Worm Dance

Dr. Jane Wormsly and Lohbado

After a two hour wait at the medical centre, Lohbado wormed his way into the examination room in order to deliver a sample of worms that wriggled out the crown of his head last night.  Dr. Jane Wormsly smiled and placed the vial of worms under a magnifying lamp.

“I’ve been itching to give you these worms,” said Lohbado, “They crawled out of my head last night. I don’t know how they got into me, or which creature laid the eggs. I woke up in the night, prickling and tickling all over.”

Dr. Jane Wormsly asked Lohbado to remove his shirt. She felt his torso and pressed under the ribs and the sides of his neck, then typed information into the computer file.

“I recommend you do the Oogah Worm Dance,” prescribed Dr. Jane Wormsly, “Crown worms is what you’ve got. They originate in the large intestine, slither up the spine and take over the brain, colouring one’s outlook on reality. You gotta shake and stomp those things out of your system. Make them fly off the handle.”

Dr. Jane scribbled something on a sheet of paper and gave it to Lohbado to deliver to the Department of Helminthology.

“Could you show me the dance?” asked Lohbado, “I forget how it’s done.”

Dr. Jane got up from the swivel chair, removed her lab coat and demonstrated how to lift ones feet and slap them down, without harming the arch or banging the heel. She lifted her arms over head, wiggled her hips and hollered out the OOO and AAA syllables to make her skull vibrate and loosen the grip of worms on the psyche.

Lohbado gave it a try. After about thirty seconds, the power of the song and dance took over. They lost track of time. A nurse barged in.  Jane told the nurse to do it too. Lohbado, Dr. Jane and the nurse danced for a few minutes, until the nurse’s aid and the receptionist came in to say the patients in the waiting room were ready to start a riot. Dr. Jane, the nurse, Lohbado, the aid and receptionist danced out to the waiting room. Dr. Jane Wormsly told the patients to get up and start dancing. Soon everybody in the medical walk-in clinic was dancing.

As they danced, bunches of worms spilled on the carpet. The dancers crushed the worms. Worm juice flowed up to the ankles. Jane and Lohbado collected some of the worm juice, which they later distilled in the lab to produce a potent medicine for future victims of crown worm disease.

The moral of the story: whenever crown worms take over your mind, do the Oogah Worm Dance.

No comments:

Post a Comment