Esmerelda

a painted Lohbado scribbler

a low relief framed painting

Tragedy struck Esmerelda over ten years ago. Angels took her younger daughter Ann. Ann got run over by a car when out bicycling, at the age of fifteen. There was something special about Ann, right from the start. She had trouble concentrating. Her head was in the clouds. She rode through a red light. An SUV flattened her. Blood bubbled out her ears. Blood mixed with saliva and flowed from her mouth. Esmerelda saw it. Esmerelda was seventeen when Ann was born and sixteen when she gave birth to Julie.

Julie left home at sixteen and moved in with a nineteen-year old. Fortunately, she and her mate took precautions. She never got pregnant. She finished high school, broke up with her boyfriend and went to university and majored in psychology.

Esmerelda hadn’t talked to Julie for nearly ten years. Soon after Esmerelda met Lohbado, they ran into Julie, while out on an evening stroll in May. Without thinking, Esmerelda and Julie embraced each other, a mother child reunion. The tension between them dissolved. In that moment, they ceased blaming each other for the death of Ann. A lot of deep issues would take a long time to face and would maybe never be resolved. But at least, they accepted the death of Ann and were ready to move on, or rather, to accept the pain. The pain would never go away. They would live with it. Heartache would be a reminder to not get stuck in petty concerns. When you lose the one you love, little things such as money and reputation don’t matter so much anymore. 

Esmerelda and her daughter Julie realized it was in their best interests to renew the bond of love, which had never been broken, but which had been buried under inconsolable grief. Ann had been like a soul-mate to her older sister Julie. Julie felt like her sister Ann was a gift from the universe. She could never understand how this gift could be taken away, that her sister would die. It was too painful to understand, to be given someone to love, then to lose that person. The death of Ann was a tragedy for her sister Julie and her mother Esmerelda. Ann was her mother Esmerelda’s pride and joy. She had secretly hoped Ann would become an artist, since she showed so much talent, right from the moment she could hold a crayon.

Not long after reestablishing contact with Julie, Esmerelda began communicating with the spirit of Ann. Seeing her older daughter somehow made it possible for Esmerelda to relax enough in her mind to surrender to the aching yearning for her younger daughter Ann. Esmerelda gained access to the spirit world. At first, Ann appeared in a dream. Then one night, she sat up in the dark and saw Ann standing, in pale light at the foot of the bed. Ann appeared to want something, but vanished when Esmerelda tried to ask questions.

That’s when things began to get tense between Lohbado and Ann. She no longer had time for him. She saw him as a hinderance to her contact with the other side. His skepticism got on her nerves. Lohbado didn't believe in life after death. Even though he pretended to be sympathetic, she could see the twinkle of disbelief in his eye. One night, Lohbado burst out laughing when Esmerelda began explaining how much she had learned through her nightly contacts with Ann, as if the ghost of her fifteen year old daughter had somehow acquired deep insight into the workings of the universe. Esmerelda accused Lohbado of being a cynical brute. Lohbado told Esmerelda she was flaky and that once one goes beyond reason, then there's nothing to stop one from imagining whatever one likes.

The breakup was surprisingly easy. She didn’t regret the relationship. It had its rewarding moments. Lohbado had been quite supportive emotionally when things were rough. She appreciated that he had the patience to listen when she poured out her sorrow and frustration. Since then, she had grown. She was in touch with bigger things. She felt it was time to move on. Lohbado was glad to leave. Her esoteric chatter was getting on his nerves.

Ok, that’s enough for today. Stay tuned for more episodes from Lohbado’s memoirs.